Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Things I Used To Bother About

1. Hanging laundry
2. Finding time to watch my favorite TV show
3. What to do on a Friday night
4. My missing box of contacts--where did I put them?
5. Washing my car
6. Scary skin issues
7. Getting to school on time--rather than strolling in 20 minutes late with wet hair EVERYDAY
8. Carbohydrates
9. Driving in snow and ice
10. Wondering if I could have done more
11. Wearing sweat pants every single day
12. Living a long and happy life
13. How I could possibly leave my front door open all day long--and how I neglected to notice
14. If anyone could hear me
15. Buying yet another new swimsuit
16. Knowingly not drinking enough water--definitely NOT the case anymore
17. Making sure 15 year olds understand completely each phase of mitosis
18. Missing something
19. Being the slowest one in the pool
20. Not giving it my all

Honestly, I could probably go on much further; perhaps even into triple-digits--but the point has been made. I realized this today in what should have been a rushed and hurried lunch hour of copy-making, inhaling mediocre meals in boxes, filling out paperwork, chatting it up with teenagers and their woes, and returning long overdue emails; this SHOULD be stressful. This USED to be stressful. So what has changed?

The circumstances haven't changed. The story plays out the same every year, ask any teacher. The difference, I have found, is the contentment in my very own being.

Those things that I used to bother with have seemed to dilute into my own chlorine heaven. I don't notice little annoyances as easily. I don't feel that warp-speed pressure of my daily routine. I take time in every moment I see fit to relish in things like blinding sunshine and toddler laughter and a perfectly proportioned soy latte and the eager sound of a familiar voice on the other end of the phone.

I truly believe that for the first time in my life I am actually LIVING the life that I have always thought was possible. Aside from those things and events and tangible aspects, my heart feels full and excited for each moment it continues to cycle blood and life throughout every inch of my body. It's so funny, because I think I have always been searching for a specific event to create this contentment, but perhaps I was searching too far away from my own soul.

As we all know, the things that are most important aren't things... in fact, they are feelings. I can't guarantee the culprit of these feelings or the change in my heart, but I do hope it to be quite catching and extremely contagious. For even though I am sitting alone, eating alone, with what should be bed-head, but isn't and what should be pajamas and what aren't; I am eager and prideful for this moment and all those to come.

1 comment:

  1. Ryan, you are so right and yes, these feelings are contagious. I'm feeling very content while I take a deep breath and read your beautiful perspective. Thank you for reminding us that life is worth LIVING. Loves, Laura