Thursday, February 23, 2012

Whispers in the Wind

There's a whisper in the wind. There's always a whisper in the wind, but it's up to each of us to chose to listen to it.

Lately there has been a lot of wind. Whistling, swirling, lingering, and trying to tell me something.

It is no secret that my confidence, particularly in my swimming, has remained to be one of the most weighing and troubling parts of this journey. However, the wind has called my name and has reminded me of most of those things that I am unwilling to accept from others, and by no means able to produce myself.

Swirls and calls of those things that I have accomplished, yet neglected to see: being selected as an example of a Paralympic swimmer at a sport demo event in Boulder, being named Colorado Sportswoman of the Year for Paralympics this year, and receiving a few recent donations from strangers that, too, would tell me those same things that I am only willing to hear from the nonchalance of the wind.

On some level, I have come so far in this journey; yet still so far away from seeing an end in sight.

This weekend I will drive down to the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs to compete in my last swim competition before the Paralympic Trials in June. I recognized, for the first time today as I was packing that this could very well be the last time I will ever have the opportunity to compete in this prestigious athletic facility-- and, in some part, this own exotic world of Paralympic swimming.

I haven't made a plan beyond the Paralympic Trials. I have done so, or not done so, quite intentionally. I haven't wanted to look into that future just yet-- I'd rather enjoy the anticipation of today. However, when my own monologue realized that this may be the end, I just breathed into the wind and let it finally know that I have been listening, and that I'm not ready to be done just yet.

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